vol 277. Values in Action with Wilson

Show Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

I'm here to bring you the voices of its members. Everyone that comes on the show, including myself, is an active member and it's on recovery in the rooms of AA. As you listen, please take what works for you and leave the rest.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

My name is Wilson. I'm an alcoholic, and my sobriety date is February 21st, 2022. And I'm excited to share for this meeting. I always get a little bit nervous whenever I'm asked to share my experience, strength, and hope.

And this is a unique format. Um I got sober when I was only 22, so I don't have many stories, many drunchologs, and I don't think I'll dwell on that too long. But I do want to share a little bit of how I grew up and just what I thought of alcoholism, maybe when I was younger, and how I saw it. So I grew up in a very comfortable home with both my parents, and I had no alcoholism in the direct family, but up the chain there were a couple people.

So I saw my grandparents drinking and missing events, not showing up, this, that, the other. Classic alcoholism. And so when I was a kid, I told myself, I'm not gonna be that. Okay, I'm not gonna drink, I'm not gonna be an alcoholic.

And I held on to that for for pretty long. So when I grew up, I I didn't touch a drink or any drugs until I was late in high school. And it wasn't a drink, it was drugs, different forms of alcoholism. But immediately I started to develop a pattern when I was in high school where I would go through feelings of anxiety, depression, and stress.

And um, I didn't have a way to deal with that. I I felt overwhelmed, I felt anxious, and part of my story includes panic attacks and and anxiety. And when I was in high school, I I didn't name that. I just thought, oh, I'm fine, this is normal.

But quickly I learned that I could use substances to get out of those feelings. When I was in high school, I didn't drink, but like I said, I I started I started smoking weed, and that was my escape. That's how I got out of it. But I told myself, oh, I'm not drinking, this is fine.

And for a while, it was fine. And you know, I I got into school and I was ready to head off to college. And um, I don't think I said this, but I grew up in California, and when I was going out to college, I I really went. I went to school in Canada.

And when I got there, the the drinking age was 18, and I hit the ground running. My first year, I was there and I said, okay, like it's legal now. I'm gonna I'm gonna get some drinks and I guess I'll do it now. But I never drank normally when I started.

People would go out, it was a big party city, and and I was never interested in that. I was still interested in using to escape whatever feelings I had going on. So I just remember buying some bottles, taking it back to the place, and and being by myself. And that was how I used.

And for the first year of university, um, that was okay. You know, I didn't suffer any crazy consequences in that year, but I did feel pretty unsure of what I was doing. I didn't love the program that I was in that I was studying. So I said, okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna switch programs.

I did join the fraternity because that was the the way for me to drink. It was a place where I wouldn't be judged. I could stay in my room all day and I could drink, and it was okay. But obviously, that's uh not the greatest indicator of academic success.

So I switched programs in my second year. I took a leave of absence, and I still felt pretty confused about what was what was going on with me and where I was going in life and and what I wanted. And all that was fine, and you know, I was going through it, and then COVID hits, and that is really where my using took off. I left the fraternity and I moved into this tiny apartment, and we're up in Canada, so it's the winter, and I remember there were two other guys, and I was in the middle room and it had no windows.

Um, so it's it's a gloomy setup already, and we're heading into the fall semester, everything is on Zoom. I tried like maybe a week of going to classes, but it was not for me. And I wasn't engaged with my life, I wasn't motivated to keep going, and I still have these feelings of depression and anxiety. So at that point is where I pretty solidly became a daily drinker and user of other other substances, and it fell apart academically, like instantly.

So it's hard to pass those classes when you don't write the midterm or the final. So that was a rough semester. And and my parents back home, they could tell that something was going on. So I think it was it was probably November of 2020 or yeah, 2020.

They called me and they're like, hey, what's going on? You know, we haven't been talking, we know that you're out there. Do you need to come home? And so in that moment, it was it was like a long pause for me, but eventually I said yes.

And I said, Yeah, I'm gonna come home. I remember when I I took that flight home, I got off the plane, and I said to myself, all right, smoking weed is my problem. So I quit smoking weed and I thought that was gonna fix it. But instantly what I did when I got home is I went out to the garage, I opened the fridge, and I found a beer.

And so I do talk about other substances because it is a part of my story. But from that point on, I classically identify as an alcoholic, and no matter what else I was using, um, alcohol was there. And that was the substance that was healing my addiction, my disease, my alcoholism. And so from that point on, when I got home, I quickly started to lose track of the plot.

I was bouncing in between schools, so I was still Zoom school from Canada, but then I was taking community college um here in California, and I was also working a job, and all that was great. I was still trying to get things going. But no matter what, I would come home and I would drink, and I would hate the person that I was because when I when I left university in the first place, and I I know I'm bouncing around, but I want to share some of the feelings I had. I had this high image or this hope or this grandiosity of the person that I was supposed to be.

And then I had the reality, and those two things kept on going in the opposite direction when I was in my disease. And so now I'm back home and I'm doing all this stuff. I don't really know what's going on, but I know that when I get home, I'm gonna drink and I'm gonna start hiding my alcohol because I am drinking more than a normal person should. And I'm gonna start lying to my parents about it.

I'm gonna start uh using in different places. And I I want to share, it's it's by the grace of God that I didn't suffer any extreme consequences in my story. Um, I did do some of the extreme alcoholic tendencies, but I just got lucky. And um thankfully I didn't go to jail or or hospitals or institutions, but I was an alcoholic and I was suffering pretty thoroughly.

So I I want to share one or two more concrete stories from this time period of my life. Once I recognized that I had a problem, I told myself, okay, I'm gonna try to quit and and I'm gonna do it by myself. And this whole plan is doomed from the start. But I took a piece of paper, I put it up on my my my door, my bedroom door, and I wrote Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, the the full week, and I'm gonna start checking off the days that I stay sober.

So I remember Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, we're getting through it, and I get to Sunday, check it off, and it's day seven. And I just remember this feeling. I was like, okay, like I did it, you know, now and that was uh that was just kind of a moment where I was like, all right, like, you know, whatever, nothing changed. I still feel bad about the person that I am.

I guess I didn't drink for seven days, but you know, fuck it. I'm gonna drink again for no reason. And and now I can look back on that moment and I can go, well, the reason is I'm an alcoholic. And if I don't do things to treat that, that's what I'm gonna resort to in my life.

So that was kind of a funny, funny story for me. There's two other ones that I that I like to share with before getting to the solution in my life. Another one was um going out to a bar with a friend at home, and it's the same period in my life where I'm between schools and and jobs. And this buddy of mine, we went to high school together and and we were going out to this bar, and I I did not like to go out.

That was not my thing. But uh, it was an opportunity for me to drink more than usual, so I took it up. I remember we we drank at his place for a bit, and then we go out to the bar. It's like maybe 11:30.

It's it's the close bar near my home. I'd never been there before, but I knew where we were. So I think I start blacking out like around midnight, and I had the genius idea that I was gonna walk home, right? It's a couple miles away, and and I'm bored at the bar.

I have my drinks, like I'm ready to go. I don't know where my friend is at this point, but I'm over it. I want to go home. So I leave.

I start walking, and at that point I am fully blacked out, no memory from that point on. I think it's about 1 30. And then when I black into my life, I'm back in my house. I think it's 4 30 in the morning, and I'm staring in the mirror, and I've got this open head wound, just this huge gash like right through my eyebrow, and I have no clue how it happened.

So again, it is it is a miracle in my life that I dodged some bigger consequences. But that was a scary moment. And for for me, that that was scary. I was like, oh shit, you know, that that's one of the alcoholic consequences that I have not suffered yet.

So I recognize that. Um, but what did I do? You know, I went to bed, bleeding out from my head. And I woke up a couple hours later and I just took myself to the hospital.

I got it stitched up and I said, all right, like I'll be fine, you know, it's not that bad. I remember coming home that morning later after the hospital. I was living with my parents, and I remember looking my mom in the eyes, and she was just broken and scared for me. And and she knew I was hurting.

And um I remember telling her, like, it's okay, I'll be fine, you know, I'll take care of it. Um, but that was a pretty low moment in my life. This was January of 2022, and I got sober the month later, thank God for that. But like I said, I didn't really know what was going on, so I said, sure, let's go back to Canada.

I'll get on the plane this time, it's gonna be different. And for some reason, it it was different this time. I got to Canada and I had all these feelings and these struggles with me, and I didn't really know what to do about it. But one night there was just like a a normal fraternity party, and I was drinking with the guys, and at that point there was no fun or excitement, or I don't know if there ever was, but but I was over it, like I wasn't feeling good.

So I went home that night and I called a friend of mine, and I knew her brother had gotten sober. I was drunk and I was just I was talking to her and sort of letting it out. And um, you know, we sort of talked about what it is to to hit your bottom, you know. Like I said, I dodged those consequences, so I didn't suffer maybe an intense financial or physical or or different type of bottom, but emotionally I was over it.

I was pretty burnt out from hating who I was. She told me, hey, this might be your bottom, and that's for you to decide. So at that point, I didn't have a plan, I didn't know what to do. So I went online and I took the are you an alcoholic quiz.

Uh and I don't know if it was AA or not, but I got amazing marks on this quiz. Perfect score. And then the very next thing I did was I called a helpline. And thank God for that helpline.

It's again, it's like, you know, 2, 3 a.m., whatever. And she mentioned to me, hey, have you thought of going to a meeting? And it was a novel idea to me, but very, very luckily I said, Yeah, I uh I'll think about it, I'll check one out. So I get online, I do some research, and I was in Montreal at the time.

It's a very big city, a very active um recovery community. And I found a meeting that morning at 7 a.m., a couple blocks away. But Canada, we're in the winter, very cold, very snowy, and I probably just wanted to be dramatic about it. So I get on my coat, it's 7 a.m.

I'm still sobering up a bit, and I walk out there to this church, and and I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go to the meeting. And I remember getting there, it's it's a beautiful church, and um, I couldn't tell where to go because it's it was a pretty big one, and there's like a side entrance where I think the meeting normally is, but that was closed. So I go to the front entrance and I see some lights on.

I remember knocking on the door, and this nun, she comes walking up, she opens the door, and then I see the nun and a bunch of little kids running around in the place. And I ask her, I go, Oh, hey, is there a meeting in here? And she goes, No, no, I think it's on Zoom. Um, so that was like, oh damn.

I came all this way, a couple blocks away. Uh, and the meeting's on Zoom. But I didn't want to give up. You know, I wanted to see the meeting, and I wanted this time, I was accepting help for my alcoholism, and I wanted to try something else because I knew I couldn't do it on my own.

So I left the church, I went a couple blocks away, I found a nice little bench, and I remember holding up my phone and looking at the Zoom meeting, and there's all these faces at seven in the morning. Hi, I'm I'm an alcoholic. Hi, I'm an alcoholic, and um it was a really cool meeting. I think we started with a meditation for a couple minutes, which was nice to calm myself down.

And then shortly after the meditation, we had sharing, and then there was an alcoholic who started yelling in his room, and yeah, and he was having a bad day. It was a bad day for him. But then eventually I built up the courage and I unmute and I say, Hi, I'm Wilson, I'm an alcoholic. And I'm staring at the screen in the park um on this bench.

And um, I remember just breaking down, crying in that moment. And there are like two feelings that I remember. I remember the release, letting go in that moment, and then I also remember feeling accepted by these people. You know, we're on Zoom, so it's it's a little different, but I do remember that feeling of acceptance from the meeting and for myself.

And it was amazing, it was powerful. So um it's kind of a whirlwind, but the meeting wraps up. I'm walking home, and I got a couple numbers from the meeting, like in the chat. And one of the guys had called me because you know it's it's day one, and that's what you do.

You could you call the newcomer and you reach out to them. So he calls me and he says, Hey, I want you to talk to my buddy Nick. Nick is a good guy, he's sober, I think he can help you. So on day two, I have Nick's phone number and I'm sober, so I give him a call and we're talking a little bit, and he offers to me, uh, he says, Would you like to do the steps together?

You know, I knew AA existed, but I did not know anything about the steps. Luckily, and this is a pattern in my recovery, I said, yes, uh, I'll do the steps. And from that point on, Nick was my sponsor for the rest of my time in Canada. Uh, I want to share a little bit about putting my life back together and getting sober, sort of in the first six months.

So I did the classics, the hit list, the 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, get a home group. Those things were pivotal. It was it was still pretty bleak and snowy outside. So thankfully, Zoom meetings were around.

And that's how I started, AA. And that made it really easy for me. It lowered that that barrier of entry to going into a room. So I could hop on a Zoom meeting every single day and share with people and listen to people and learn from them.

Uh, very quickly, though, I did make it to an in-person meeting in March. So, within my first couple months of sobriety. And that ended up being my home group for the rest of my time in Montreal. I love that meeting.

Whenever I go back, it just it feels so special to go there and to see the same people that are sober. It's it's an amazing feeling. And maybe I can share a little bit more about that later. But going back to my work with Nick and the steps, so I had some things to put together.

I like to joke that I almost had the entire alphabet on my transcript uh with a lot of Fs. And I was in Canada on um on a student visa, and my time was up. It had been four years, and I was looking into my fifth year, and in order to stay in the country, I had to file an application for an extended student visa. When I initially filed, I wasn't sober yet, and I didn't explain why I had failed so many courses.

So the government wrote back to me and they said, you know, thank you for your application. Unfortunately, we have an intent to reject your extended student visa. So that happens in that same time frame. I get sober, I start going to class again, and I start working with Nick.

And I need to petition this uh this decision. So I'm working with Nick and I ask him, I say, Hey, would you be willing to write a letter to the government? It's a bit funny given his personal circumstances. He owed quite a bit of money to the government coming from his disease and his recovery.

But, anyways, he says yes. He's gonna write me this letter. I don't remember exactly what it said, but you know, it said Wilson is an active member in his recovery and in the community and in his schoolwork. He's sober, he goes to meetings, he's working with steps, and if you let him stay, he will pass his classes.

So I took that letter and I rewrote my own letter and I explained honestly what I was going through and why I wanted to stay, and I sent that off. And honestly, this is another moment in my life where I can only attribute this to a miracle, a miracle of the program and of God. Because whoever read this at the border, they could pick up these papers and they could go, this man's drunk. We don't need him in our country.

Or they could pick up the papers and they could go, uh, this man's trying and he's doing the right things, and we should let him stay. Um, so thanks be to God, thanks be to Canada, I got to stay. Um, so I stayed sober and I passed some classes in there. And it took me another three semesters, I think, to graduate, but I graduated.

And my plan always was to move back home to San Jose. So within that first year, I stayed sober, I finished my steps, I got involved in the community, and I was making my plans to move back home. Um I think there's so much more that I could speak about in that first year of recovery. And if I want to highlight anything from that, uh, I'd like to highlight the service opportunities that I had in Montreal and the variety of meetings that I could attend.

Just the very strong recovery community that I found there, both on Zoom and in person. And it's a unique place to be sober because there's the French and the English side. I don't speak French, so I was in the Anglo meetings, but beautiful community. It helped me get sober, and I'm very thankful to so many of those people out there.

But I was getting ready to move back home to California. And one of the things that I had heard and that I was feeling was in order for me to be successful, to stay sober, when I get home, I need to be in this program. I need to be in meetings, I need to meet new people, I need to get it going. And that was a bit intimidating.

I remember getting home, and a couple of the first few meetings I went to, I'm in the Bay Area, there were these big men's meetings. Um there were like 60 men in a room, and I'm used to my nice little quiet Canadian home group where we sit in a circle and we reach the big book. Uh, but there's 60 men in this men's meeting, and you go up to the podium and you share in front of everyone. So a bit of a different flair, a bit of a more um paternalistic, uh, a bit more whatever.

It it's a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, and uh, I don't want to be um I don't know what I'm saying here, but it's a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, and no matter where I've been in this country or in other countries, when you enter that room, it's a room full of people who want to help you and they want to stay sober, and that does not change no matter where you are. So I came into these rooms. I started telling people my story. You know, I've been sober for a little bit now, and I want to get involved in the meetings here.

And eventually I found some other meetings and people that I got plugged in with, and I was starting to feel a part of the community, and that was nice, and I had my own daily practice of sobriety. But there were a couple pieces missing. And one of those pieces was having a sponsor. And I love my Canadian sponsor, Nick.

Shout out, Nick, if you're out there. But I knew that I needed someone local who I could see that I could build a relationship with and have some accountability with that sponsor. So I started looking around. I did some sponsor shopping.

And this was a different experience for me. Luckily, when I first came in, I didn't have any options and I got very lucky that Nick was an amazing sponsor. Now that I'd moved, I might have had some ideas about recovery or what a sponsor is or this and that. And a couple people that I tried to work with, we didn't hit it off personality-wise.

So I said, okay, let me find someone else. But eventually there was a man at this men's meeting who he would stand up and he would say, uh, hey, I do HI, and we need some people to do service in HI. And the service has always been very attractive to me because that is the solution. For me, for me, that's the solution.

When I feel bad, when I feel selfish, when I feel depressed, when I'm suffering from alcoholic ramifications, service has been my way out. And I'll try to share more about that. So one part is I met this man, Keith, and I said, Hey, I want to do service with you, and I'd I'd like for you to be my sponsor. So we started to do HI meetings together and going into jail once a month and doing that meeting.

And we've been doing that for about a year, and Keith has been my sponsor for about that time. We haven't redone the steps together. Um, that might be something that I'm interested in doing at some point, but this was integral to me. I now had a service position back home that felt important to me and it was important to the members of the meeting, and I now had a sponsor who was doing the right things to stay sober.

So that was huge. That was another way for me to embed myself in the community. Um, shortly thereafter, there was another meeting I went to, not a men's meeting, but a mixed meeting. And I love the people there, it's it's very welcoming.

And luckily, I got uh voluntoled to be the um the greeter at that meeting, and I said yes. I said yes, I'm available to do that, and that was one of my favorite positions ever in Alcoholics Anonymous because when you are that greeter or sorry, I was um total slip there. I wasn't the greeter, um, I was the chip person, which is actually even more special. I got voluntole to be the chip person at this meeting I was attending, and that sorry, is one of my favorite positions I've ever done in Alcoholics Anonymous to share with others that moment of celebration, no matter what it is, when it's one day, 30 days, 60 days, and this is a bigger meeting, so 30 years, 42 years, pushing those years, that is so beautiful to me.

And I I felt pure joy in those moments, giving that person a chip, giving them a hug, and the meeting would would celebrate with you. So I'm very grateful for having done that service in that meeting. And my schedule's changed a little bit, and I'm attending different meetings now, but I look back fondly on that. At this point in my story, I think I'm I'm sort of jumping around between bits and pieces, but there are a few more moments that I'd like to share and some of my outside circumstances, what I got going on in my life.

So when I came home from school, I didn't know professionally what I wanted, but I've got some lawyers in the family. My pops is a lawyer. I've always looked up to the work and and what he does. So I said, all right, I'm gonna apply to some law schools.

So sent out my applications. I spent a year getting ready, and I'd gotten into the same school that my dad went to, and I felt very excited and very anxious and very um a lot of feelings for this going in. And I remember listening to Keep Coming Back, and this is a podcast of recovery and and beautiful stories. And I remember one of the members shared his story about going to law school and staying sober, and that was like, oh man, I gotta talk to this guy because he talked about showing up and and you're under new stressful pressures and a brand new environment, and there's a lot going on.

And I won't share on his behalf, but he spoke about struggling with attending meetings and keeping up with his recovery. And I I knew that for me, I want to stay in recovery, and I want to stay in the meetings, even when I have everything else going on in my life. So luckily I got to meet that man and hear more about his story the summer before I started law school. And he told me what every other member of Alcoholics Anonymous would.

Um keep going to meetings, do what you have done to stay sober, and it will keep working. No matter what the outside circumstances are, when I keep up my practice of recovery, I will be okay. I will stay sober, this too shall pass, and I will keep going. So I went through my first year and I had an amazing time.

It was challenging, it was exciting, it was new, it was scary, it was fun. And I remember calling um calling this man almost every single Sunday. And we talk about law school, we talk about recovery, and we talk about life, and it was beautiful. And that was another part of my community in in the legal profession and in recovery that I hold very close to myself.

I made it through my first year. It was a huge accomplishment. And and luckily I live with my folks and they they take care of me and they help me out. But I also stay in the program.

So I go to meetings. There's this men's meeting I talked about. There's another meeting I want to highlight. It's at our university, it's bounced around between a few locations, but it's not exclusively a young people's meeting.

There's there's a couple students, and then it's open to um alcoholics. So it is an open AA meeting. And I became the GSR for that meeting. So um another way that I've integrated into a different service position to stay connected to the program.

And all of these bits and pieces have kept me going through this year and got me to the next thing. And I guess I'll sort of share a little bit about what it's like right now, this summer, after my first year. I remember finishing my first year, and I'd spin my wheel so hard, and I landed this really amazing opportunity, and I was feeling some pretty extreme burnout and stress. And honestly, I didn't handle it too well.

I didn't look for different tools and different solutions, and I found these feelings of depression, anxiety, and stress coming back in my life in ways that were new, in in different ways. So for the past couple weeks, I've been looking forward to giving my share, but I've been thinking to myself, oh man, I'm feeling badly. I don't want to project that. Um, so luckily I went to a meeting the other night and I shared that feeling with the meeting, and it's a very small meeting with Amazing Recovery.

And some people pulled me aside afterwards and they told me two things. And one of them, I think I've said it on this recording about a dozen times, is to be of service, be of service in the program, be of service to others, and that will take you out of yourself. And that was the answer. Um, and then the second thing was to seek outside help.

So I haven't I haven't sought outside help yet, but that night when I was feeling so self-absorbed, I was of service. Everyone left, and there was one member, the secretary, who was gonna pack everything up by himself. Uh, and normally I would just let him do it. But that night I heard the message and I said, Hey, I'm gonna stay, I'm gonna help you clean up.

Like I need to do this. It's gonna help you out, and more importantly, it's gonna help me out because I I'm feeling very self-obsessed, and um, you know, whatever the feelings are, it took me out of that. I was able to listen to his story a little bit, to learn more about him, and to feel engaged in my recovery again. So today, when when I give you my share, even though I want to acknowledge that that I'm suffering from some things that are not necessarily a desire to drink, I can still use the tools of the program to help pull myself out of those those feelings.

But I I also recognize that my life is very different than it was three years ago. I have new challenges, I have new responsibilities, and I have new feelings that could come along with that. Uh, so I think it's probably time for me to seek some outside help. And in one of our one of our books in the literature, it says that that's okay and that that is a solution.

And I think what I want to get at with this point is that as I stay sober, there are new challenges and and new moments that I want to continue to face, and I want to use the tools that I've learned in the steps and in the program and from the people, and I want to keep trying new things to wake up every day to go through my routine and to face the day with with honesty, with integrity, and with a joy for life. And I know that I can do that when I'm in this program. Like I said, I think I'm jumping around right now, but there are a couple more things that I'd like to share. Going back to the service part, another famous and integral part of recovery is sponsorship.

And for me, no form of service has been more profound than sponsoring another person in the program. I've had two opportunities to be a sponsor to other men. And um, the first time we we went through some of the steps, we got to step four and and he sort of went his own way. And I think he's still sober.

I don't know if he's finished the steps or whatnot, but I don't see him at meetings. But uh, you know, I was there for him when he was going through some things, and importantly, it kept me sober and it kept him sober, and we worked together in those moments. The second man that I had the opportunity to sponsor, we also worked through the steps. We've hit a bit of a roadblock at four, again, ironically.

Uh, but unlike my first sponsee, he's sober and he's at the meetings, and it's a joy to see him. And yesterday he just celebrated a year. So shout out to David for that. I'm very proud of you.

It was just a beautiful moment to see other people grow in recovery. And I think on that topic, I look at the meeting at our school and I see these young people. I guess I'm in that category, but I see students getting sober and sort of pulling out of whatever they're in in their school and focusing on recovery and building their life and developing these tools to go through the new challenges. It's a very beautiful thing.

Usually when I give my share, it is a bit shorter. I think the two things that I always want to hit on are the feelings and the steps. And I don't think I talked a lot about the steps, but before I jump into that, there are a couple more feelings that I could talk about. One of those feelings that comes along with recovery is um rebuilding the relationships with my family and those components of recovery.

And I talked about this earlier, looking looking at my ma when I was drunk and all beaten up and seeing that look in her eyes. Today, I get to look in her eyes and we can connect, and I can look at her with some dignity, and uh it's a beautiful thing. It's very special to me that I can be honest with my family now. Good, bad, whatever it is, it's not perfect, uh, but I can be honest with them.

And that has allowed me to rebuild those relationships in my life. And before we jump into some questions, I think I will highlight a couple of steps of mine that are very important to me. Um looking at the steps right now, I'd like to talk about uh step 11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.

That uh that conscious contact with God, that is a practice of prayer and meditation. And uh, when I'm at my best in recovery and in life, it's a daily practice. I've gone through phases where I'm on it. You know, I get up and I read the book 86, 88, and I sit down and I journal some some gratitude and then I pray and I meditate.

And I know that those days when I practice my um my prayer and meditation in the morning, they are better days. And I don't think that's a coincidence. That is that is an effect of the program. It is a miracle of this program that I can wake up and I can quiet myself, I can listen to God and I can ask how I can be of service to others today?

How can I listen to another person? How can I share my experience with another and how can I continue to grow in my recovery? I hope that whoever's listening, if you are a newcomer and you just uh wandered upon this, I hope that you resonated with some of the feelings. We might not have the same background, but the feelings of alcoholism are very common amongst peoples of uh of this recovery community.

So hold on to those feelings, do the steps, get a sponsor, get a home group, do all those great things, and you will stay sober. Your life will get better in the outside circumstances, and we will do it together. So my name is Wilson, I'm an alcoholic.

SPEAKER_00 35:26

Thank you, Wilson. So I love that you said yes to everything from the beginning. I don't know if you've ever considered yourself a stubborn person and that was hard for you. Are you someone that easily accepts help throughout your we'll say first 20 years? Was that your natural way of doing things or was that a stretch for your comfort zone?

SPEAKER_02 35:57

I think it was outside of my my comfort zone. I think I'm a bit more solitary when I'm struggling with things. Um I think when I have some issues going on, uh, it's not natural for me to say yes and to ask for help from another person. So that was was really an act of God in my life that I was able to say yes and ask for help and keep on doing that throughout my recovery.

SPEAKER_00 36:24

So it sounds like the God issue, because that that was a that was my issue when I came to the rooms and a lot of other people that I've heard share their stories, the whole God topic was not difficult for you to swallow.

SPEAKER_02 36:37

Oh, yeah, I'm glad you bring that up. I didn't say that explicitly. Um, when I had entered AA, I had a concept of spirituality, a concept of God that was loosely founded in Catholic religion, but also very detached from that. And I was very open and willing to grow in that department. So I that was just another, that's a stroke of luck for me that that was my background. Uh, when I came to the steps, when it was time to develop, to further develop an understanding of God, I wasn't starting from step zero and I wasn't starting from there is no God. Uh, so I'm very grateful for that because I I do recognize we we enter this program with various conceptions of a higher power. And that's something that each member needs to work through individually.

SPEAKER_00 37:26

Well said. Well said. It's such a personal, personal topic. I used to, and maybe even recently, recently it's come to my attention. I think it was a person who shared in the last like 10 episodes, maybe it hasn't even posted yet. But he called it an outside issue, like what he specifically believed in. He's like, that's an outside issue. And I thought, oh, oh, I shouldn't ask that question anymore. It kind of is. But but knowing a general perception of when we came in and how that transpired uh makes sense because it's in our steps, and helping the listener and the newcomers process uh is always helpful. I love how you said yes and you were willing to accept help, and everybody wants to be of service. So, I mean, everybody gets when I'm allowed to be of service, it's an honor. It just seems like such a it's a beautiful give and take, and humans are designed to accept and give help for a reason. Totally. You talked about your home group in Montreal, and I'm pivoting a bit here. You talked about your home group and that there was amazing people, and you might have stories to share or or a bit to elaborate on that experience. Would you like to do that if anything comes to mind?

SPEAKER_02 38:46

Sure. There's two things that come to mind. Uh, the first is the format of that specific meeting, and the second are the individuals of that specific meeting. There's all these cool people in that meeting. So that's just really cool on its own. Those people are all amazing individuals in recovery that I looked up to when I was getting sober. And then the format of the meeting, I really appreciated it. It was a big book study. And when I was new, it was very easy to sit there in a circle with about 20 other people. It was it was smaller, and we would open up the book, we would pick up where we left off, and we would keep reading. And that was a great way to learn more about the program, to learn about the history, to learn about different stories and different experiences. And then it was a practice because we would read that story, that portion of the book, and then we would go around and we would share how we related to it. So that was a practice of developing my connection with others and with AA as a whole. So whenever I get back to Montreal, I always try to stop in at that meeting. Love and tolerance if you're listening. Shout out to you guys. Thank you so much for everything.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

I love the small groups where you sit in a circle. And when people share every week, or pretty much every week, you really get to know each other quick.

SPEAKER_02 40:07

Yeah, yeah, it's very different. And that's um sort of at the end of my share today. I I mentioned um sharing some some selfish struggles at a meeting. And it was uh a small meeting on a Friday night with about 10 people, and we were in a circle, and we all share. And that was an opportunity for me to air out some of those issues and um to get some feedback and to and to learn some more.

SPEAKER_00 40:31

There is something magical in my experience when I speak something out loud at a meeting. It's like next level prayer almost, or or a direct, like instead of emailing God, I'm calling him and he's picking up or something. I don't know. There's something direct about it. And just making commitments, like you committed on here to seek outside help. And it it almost like makes it more likely to happen when I say it out loud in a meeting or I make a or a verbal commitment anywhere. Um, anyhow, speaking of which, I had a hard time when I had sobriety and everything was good and shiny, and shiny, happy people, and rainbows, and then hard things happened, and I felt a little uh like something was wrong with me because everybody that shares their stories, they're so happy and everything's perfect. And you shared things that you're struggling with right now, two-day real life. Um you're 25 years old and you're sober. Have you dated in sobriety? And how does that look?

SPEAKER_02 41:50

Yeah, that's that's funny you ask. I have I have a very wonderful partner in my life, and I keep this out of my story when I share because I I don't necessarily want that to be the focus always, but there are some good lessons in there. I met my girlfriend when I was a month sober, and we went on a couple dates, and it didn't work out when I was a month sober. So I I told her at the time, hey, I need some I need space to work on this myself. I told her I was sober, she knew I was going through a lot, and I said, I need some space to to get through the steps and to finish this. So I got sober, and later in that fall, you know, obviously she was gonna be on the amends list. And I hate to break it to you, but even when you get sober, when I got sober, I didn't stop uh hurting people immediately. So there is some wreckage that I created in that time with her and other people. So I ended up making my mencer and we reconnected in the fall. And this year we're coming up on three years together. Um, we met in Canada and and she moved out to to California, and we're both in school out here now, and we're working through that and we're building our lives together. Uh, I think part of me doesn't care it because um she tells the story differently, obviously. Uh but but yes, yes, I've dated. And to any people out there listening, uh there's a reason why we say not to date in the first year of sobriety. It can be it could be uh stressful. So uh but but yes, I'm I'm happily with my girlfriend, and and she knows that I'm sober and and she doesn't have any issues with with substance. And I think that makes it a little easier for me. Um, but we do have a beautiful relationship.

SPEAKER_00 43:40

Thank you for sharing. Okay, so I do want to offer David if he ever wants to share your sponsey. If everyone wants to share on here, it's an open invitation. But I want to talk about um how we met. And you alluded to it a little bit, but for the listeners, do you want to?

SPEAKER_02 44:00

Yeah, I can I can flush out that story a bit better. I didn't go all the way into it. I had listened to this podcast from time to time, not every single week. Uh sorry, sorry, Tara. That's okay.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

It's there for people when they want it. I don't take it personal.

SPEAKER_02 44:15

Yeah. I pick it up when I need it though, and when I need to hear a story of recovery. And I think I came across Dustin's share. It's Dustin E episode something. And I came across his story. And man, is it a story? I don't have these low lows and these high highs. Well, I do have high highs. My life is amazing. But I don't have those low lows, but Dustin does, and it's a crazy story. And and he is another miracle of the program. And I heard his share, and he's in law school and he's still sober and he's got his family. And um I I remember thinking immediately when I heard it, that's a man that I need to talk to. So I I think I DM'd the podcast or I emailed. I was kind of harassing the podcast. And I said, hey, I'm a member. I want to talk to Dustin. I love his story. And you reached out to me and you shared Dustin's contact. And then later that that month, I was I was down in um down in SoCal and in the same part where Dustin happens to live. And and I met up with him that weekend and we talked right before I was starting school. So it was just a great way to connect with another member of the program. So if you're listening and you want to talk to me, you're like, please reach out. Or if you're listening to any other episode and you want to talk to that member, please reach out. Um, because there's always another opportunity to share a story and to to build a connection with another member.

SPEAKER_00 45:39

I love that. But I did hear a fun fact about Dustin's upcoming wedding.

SPEAKER_02 45:45

Yeah. Yeah. Uh I'm happy to share that too. Uh Dustin has an upcoming wedding, and uh I also have an upcoming trip down to SoCal. And we were planning on like meeting up before the wedding and and hanging out and saying hi. And uh a couple weeks ago, he just he texted me and he said, uh, hey man, like give me a call, we need to talk. Um so I give him a call and he says, Hey, uh I'd like to invite you to my wedding. Um and I I feel very, very blessed to be included in that, and that's gonna be an amazing thing. So I'll be down there to see Dustin's wedding in a couple weeks, and and that's gonna be that's gonna be great. It's gonna be a sober wedding for for me and for him. I don't know about everyone else though.

SPEAKER_00 46:29

Yeah, it's um it's such a sweet story. Okay, so Justin is episode 207, if anybody's interested. Okay, so I think I'm down to my last two questions, Wilson. It's been a pleasure. Is there anything that you are thinking of now or that you left out that you would like to share?

SPEAKER_02 46:52

Uh sure. I'm actually gonna open up my book and see if there's anything either from the steps or from a page that I really like.

SPEAKER_00 47:00

Okay. Take your time.

SPEAKER_02 47:04

Yeah, I've got a portion of the book that I'd like to read. Is that okay?

SPEAKER_00 47:08

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 47:09

Okay, this is on page 417. Should be no surprise to many people. But this is one of my favorite passages of the book, and it reads, Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation, some fact of my life unacceptable to me. And I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober. Unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. Yeah, um, that's one of my favorite passages in the book. Um, I think I said when I share in my share, I said that in the mornings at my best in my daily practice, I I open up the book, I read, I meditate, and then I pray. And that is one of the passages that I I love to read.

SPEAKER_00 48:20

I really love it. I've read the book several times and like I've never heard that before.

unknown 48:26

Cool.

SPEAKER_00 48:26

It reminds me of this formula that I have. Um I don't know where I picked it up, but accept, surrender, trust. Like accept, surrender, trust. It's like a rinse and repeat throughout the day when I'm struggling with something. Just accept, surrender, trust. I love it. Thank you for reading that.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_00 48:49

Final question for the listener who is suffering with or without sobriety, what message do you want to leave them with?

SPEAKER_02 49:00

Um, yeah, I think this is really relevant to myself and to anyone listening. Uh, this too shall pass. Uh, I'm not sure if that's in the book or if that's one of the slogans, but that is something that I've heard a lot in in the AA community. And it's something that I I tell myself a lot. So this too shall pass. Um, you will be okay, and it will get better.

SPEAKER_00 49:29

For more information, read the first 164 pages of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous or visit keepcomingback.net.